she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
