very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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