y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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