I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
