i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
