He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
