I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
