if only i could text you this smell
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
