I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
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