what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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