; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
