Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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