Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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