Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
