I CAN MOONWALK!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize