I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
