i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
