when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
