I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize