I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
