Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
