I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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