bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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