yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
