So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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