3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
