You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
