It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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