You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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