So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
