dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
