YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
