don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
