It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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