um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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