My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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