I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
