I wanna passion pit in your ass
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
