k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize