kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She needs sedatives and a leash
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
