Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You are the jesus of drinking
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
