I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
There's always time for handjobs
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
