You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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