I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
