69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
