hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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