I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
