Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
