Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
