im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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