Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
