I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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