I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Text me some of your sweat
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
