So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
