btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
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