Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
