wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
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