Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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