The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize