so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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