I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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