Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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