Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
