i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
