please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Randomize
