No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
