I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
