Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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