My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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