Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
