I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
