I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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