If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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