my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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