I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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