If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
