I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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