Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
