I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
