walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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