last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
