Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
