I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
