he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
