I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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