and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
