Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
