I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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