Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize