That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
