The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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