I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
