Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
She needs sedatives and a leash
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
