Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
