My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
