I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
