So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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