Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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