The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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