New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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