just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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