no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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