We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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