i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
