no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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