I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
