the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You're like the curious george of whores
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
