So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
