So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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