Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
