dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize